LadyHood Vents

im beamin....

2010-12-01T10:13:00.001-08:00

well hello again....i know its been forever and im really trying to keep up but sometimes i just dont wanna express what im feeling....anyways today is perfect!!!

the day is dark and gray but im beamin....i love this weather...makes me want to change things in general....last night i had a moment while i was with my friend michelle and i had someone tell me "my future" a lot of it was somewhat true but the future stuff i do not know until it happens i guess...

but the guy in the gray sweater was interesting lol.....

anyways i am still working....im still a mom to a gorgeous boy who inspires me everyday....i am still being surrounded by amazing people who i am extremely grateful for....my home-life though sucks major ass...but we cant choose our families so im stuck....i am really trying to move out but things are just not aligning for that yet so maybe i should be patient until it happens....

j and i r civil and trying to see what happens but i think we both know that nothing will...there is too much animosity between us and i think there is also a hint of hate but who knows only time will tell....adorable and i r good friends....he really made me see the light i guess i hope hes happy and everything works out for him.....the gray sweater guy lol i know hes there somewhere....

anyways im having a lovely moment with thom (thom yorke) and hes really making my heart happy right now....his voice...the tone...the calmness...the words....the cries....i am loving it right now.....

so thats it for now...thanks again for "listening"

pz and luv
-m.

kick in the ass

2010-08-18T15:34:00.000-07:00

i kno it has been a LONG time since i've last written and since then ive come to the conclusion that im still going through the same circle of mass confusion =X

since my last posting a lot has changed...my son is absolutely beautiful hes three years old and total perfection....my relationship with his father is completely over and after much trying we can not be together...as to why i am writing today because i guess everything was "finalized " today... i dont really know how i feel but i guess things happen for a reason....

this summer has been a big deal for me because it's been a summer where ive surrounded myself with great people....i guess u can say that after falling out of love with j...i fell in love with love again because of "adorable" i am extremely grateful for the moments i have had with him and in another life i guess we r soul mates but right now we cant be....

so today after the crying, the sadness, the joy, and the whole weight lifted off of my shoulders....i received a kick in the ass....this is to really live my life for my son and myself and for once i have to put myself first not all the time but sometimes and now that im single im not gonna focus on the constant haggling of my best friend to find someone imma focus on me and my baby <3

its nice to be back....

xoxox,
monica

Vacation....

2009-06-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

i know its been FOREVER since i last blogged....a lot of things have happened....but now im looking toward the future!!!

im doing ok...working, school, still being a mom =] to an AWESOME almost 2 year old lol his bday is coming up july 18 and im so shocked to see the time fly by.....
my bday is coming up next month the big 26! lol

still living in ny...

i promise im going to write more...i missed u!

xoxoxox

I'm way too sensitive....

2008-12-13T20:17:00.000-08:00

Ok I know its been 5 weeks since my last posting but things have been happening....some good some bad....

But lately on my mind has been human rights.....particularly gay rights.....

I believe this week or last I watched the news and saw the case of a hispanic gay male who was badly beaten in BK by a group of guys because he was gay....he passed away.....

I watch the news and I always find something that really gets to me....but this got to me.....maybe its because I have best friends who are gay....maybe its because these kinds of actions make it harder for people to really be themselves....

All I know is that if something were to happen to my friends just because of who they were....I wouldn't know what to do....

Lets keep the love amongst each other....its hard to say but any lil bit helps....

That's all I have to say....have a goodnight and happy holidays.....

Obama!

2008-11-06T20:18:00.000-08:00

this is our new president! i love it! i love this picture with his daughters....they look so happy and it warms my heart....

ive always liked him from the start...there was something about him...that gave me a high sense of hope...

to our future!

recovery

2008-11-02T15:18:00.001-08:00

i know its been a while since my last posting but honestly i havent been feelin like doing anything....
on monday, i had dental surgery....u guys need to know i have a terrrrible fear of dentists-like i hate the smell of it, the things they do, i just hate it...but i had a tooth that was killing me
so i went because when i took out my wisdom tooth before i recovered quite well.....

well......

not this time =/
its taken almost a week for me to look "back to normal" and i lost 11 lbs. my face was ultra swollen it was awful!
i missed halloween =/ but xavier was Frankenstein....
havent gone to school either =X so now i may be behind...ARGH!

anyways ill keep in touch....

xoxox
-monica

this fukkin recession

2008-10-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

right now i am at a loss for words because ive never been one to have money troubles (only on occasions haha) but lately i have been in this financial hole that i really do not know what to do with myself....

i feel like i keep making payment after payment to loans, credit cards, phone bills, my "bank" and i get no where with any of them.....its so frustrating....

i literally wanna just cry and see if that will make me feel better because i really dont know what to do....

i recently got the opportunity to work somewhere else for like a MAJOR company and i am thinking about taking it but will the pay help i dont know i constantly feel like im running around in circles and i never get anywhere....
i guess whats important to me is that my son is fed...he has a clean ass....he has clean clothes and hes a happy baby

i just wanted to vent....

i had a nice dinner with u today keith....u r the freakin best!

xoxoxox
-monica

LadyHood's Faves!

2008-09-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

so on Friday i met up with my lovely friends michelle and liz and we went to 34th street....now i hate going to herald square but i had to exchange some baby clothes at H&m =/ and they r the only ones who carry baby stuff...anyways we went to macys and i decided to blog about my fave make up products.....

lts just say i spent money on makeup lol but i wanted to dedicate my blog today to my favorite products....

Maybelline Volume XL Seduction Lip Plumper

i think for 10 bucks this is soo worth it...i dont think i need plumpers but the shades are great....they suit eveyones complexions and they leave ur lips glossy and lookin yummy haha
some shades u should consider....Sensuous Ruby, Peachy Flush, Seductively Nude...im serious tho all the colors they offer will look good with every complexion....

another of my faves...Chanel Le Vernis Nail Colour is my favorite nail polish in the world!

it never chips on me and the colors are fab! Discontinued Fire was the shit but the new Blue Satin and Black Satin r bad ass!

and last but not least.....the new Diorshow Iconic Mascara is amazing!!!!! and when i say amazing i mean it looks like u went to a professional to get false lashes put on....this mascara is an improved of the award winning Diorshow.....the brush is amazing...i mean u haveeeeeee to try it...its the best mascara out there! for 27 dollars ull look like a million bucks

there will be more to come!

im off to watch wow wow wubbzy with x!

pz n lub

xy! exactly why do they exist?

2008-09-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

haha I always say that if u have a y chromosome then ur an asshole haha...its inevitable....the xy is a curse.....
For the past couple of days I been ultra annoyed with most of the xys around me ( except keith)....I dunno if most of the xys around r going through their man periods but damn....
Xys just don't listen!

Enough about xys....I am one to admit that I watch porn...not on a regular basis but if I happen to see it...ill watch haha
And today I watched 2....and they were horrible....I was laughin the whole time....and I was kinda disgusted with the fact that some xys actually take care of themseleves with the movies I saw......major YUCK!
Haha I rather watch the softcore shit on showtime hahaha just figured I'd vent haha
Tomorrow I'm on a mission to find my missing friend....anddddd maybe even catch a flick....by myself....which I haven't done in a whileee.....

Sept. 27 is such an important day! It has so much meaning to me....my anniversary is next month.....haha I just hope I get my perfume....but not from bergdorf goodman! I want it to be full price! Hahaha

Xoxox

love?

2008-09-22T13:51:00.001-07:00

now when i started this i never wanted this to be about love or my relationship because people might not care...but for some reason this has been a constant inspiration for the things i do...my issues with him inspire my life...they make me wanna become a better person and they make me want to become the worse person i can be....

the constant arguing is driving me crazy....and its to the point that sometimes i feel like maybe were just not meant to be but the minute i feel like its over...i feel like my heart breaks into a million little pieces and i cant picture my life without him next to me....i have wondered what things would be like if he left me.....the lil things will eat me alive or they will become a breathe of fresh air.....for example, if he left me...id sleep alone....more space for me....no more snoring...but no more body warmth...no more affection...no more stinky morning breathe...and that kills me.....

i try to do things to make him happy and somehow he always makes me feel like i fuck up....i hate thinking about the beginning of us because that is lost....that will never be the same....that love that wonderful, exhilarating, and sincere love...o how i miss u so much....i loved the way u looked at me....the notes u wrote me....the flowers u bought me...the kisses....the hugs....they were soo passionate and good....i miss ur hugs....i miss a lot of things about u .....

i dunno if i make happy anymore....through all the bullshit we go through...i still wake up being in love with u...i still wanna be that girl that u fell in love with....were both scorned and bitter....people always say if u let the things u love go....they always come back....i dont wanna try this because i dont know what the outcome might be....

i dont know if u will read this....but if u do...i really really do love u....and u mean a lot to me....

fashion veek!

2008-09-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

i keep sayin fashion veek and all my friends are annoyed hahaha u can thank my boss who started it.....anyways this week is full of stuff to do!

tomorrow school and i have to try to find something to wear for Thursday....

Thursday is 9/11 crazy that 7 year have passed...and it still feels like it happened yesterday...i of course am going to a memorial tommorw night in honor of those that lost their lives....

but on thursday i have a doctors appt, class, gstar after party! which im kinda excited about..(i think more for keith) but im still excited anyways we shall c what happens....

marc jacobs show was monday heard it was amazing! i bet it was....i believe i am going to cut my hair soon so lets see what i decide to do...

im in desparate need of a massage =]

xoxox
-monie

boys?

2008-09-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

sooo i have a friend right that she recently went on a date with a guy that she was talking too....apparently they had a nice time...and then she never heard from him again...she hit him up the day after and he told her she was busy (ouch) and she decided to call him the day after and no response...so heres the point of me writing this....

why is it that guys r so superficial....it seems they have chilled before but this was the first time it was them 2 alone...what she makes it out to be is dat he probably didnt like her physical but why would he make plans to see her if he wasnt feeling her....

so i asked a couple of my male friends and i also asked my beau and they have various responses-
1. it could be he is not interested in her...
2. he could be playing hard to get...
3. he may not wanna ruin their friendship....

i wrote this to try to come up with a reason as to why guys r so damn puzzling...its like they want their cake and eat it too...i also feel like this guy is stringing her along....shes a great person and she totally deserves the best....

(if u read this i hope u let that go...if he wants u let him hit u up...dont seem like ur on his dik)

as for me....things are lovely...jerm and i r in a different mind state....i love him i cant help it....i need him and he completes me...<3 i love u jeremy

living up to my new nickname-Buffy

2008-09-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

soooo i know my blog has been about venting but its not always about love....we all know...love sucks but it can also be a wonderful thing...
but i guess in honor of ny fashion veek i should talk about fashion....yes fashion...one of the most interesting topics there is known to man kind hahaha...everyone has their view of fashion....what it is and what it shouldnt be......

so my job is having a fashion show at the armory on park ave...and apparently we can attend the after party i may be hitting that up...i also got invited to attend a couple of shows...dunno wether i will be attending...since i am going to register for school tomorrow andddddd i am working a lot this week....

anyways right now being a mom is tough...my sons been kinda wiggin =X but man when he smiles he melts my heart lol and i turn to mush....

i kinda miss some of my friends....

pz and lub

-monica

I HATE................

2008-08-27T10:22:00.001-07:00

YOU!

my heart belongs to.....

2008-08-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

HIM!

I hate u!

2008-08-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

I never wanted this to be a love blog or anything or that sort....its just happening that way....that most of my blogs are about him...
And right now I hate him.....

I never expected this to be where we r but right now I can't stand him.....

The only person this is going to effect is my son....and its unfortunate....whatever happens between me and his father....will have a longterm effect on him.....I just hope he doesn't become another statistic.....

Have a goodnight everyone....

-m.

feist marathon

2008-08-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sittin on my couch lookin out the window and listening to feist non stop....
I'm in a weird place with jeremy...he's mad that I have a blog and ppl prolly read it...the thing is I don't think ppl do...not sure...but this is my blog and ill do what I want =]

Well him and I got into an argument earlier and its like sometimes during arguments we may say things we don't mean but I'm starting to feel like some of the things being said r things he really means...he's said some hurtful things to me which he later takes back....

Relationships r NOT easy...especially when a child is involved....I don't wanna be one of those couples that stays with one another and they r both miserable for the sake of their child....that's not fair to each other or the child.....I guess time will tell...I love him with all my heart but I find myself h-ing him more....I feel like I can't live with him but I can't live without him....the things boys do to us girls.....drive us fucking crazy....alll boys! Even my son drives me crazy sometimes lol its that damn Y choromosome.....

A lot of things r on my mind....lately my mind has so many things to process...there r a few things besides my issues with him that r taking over my mind....sucks....I hate when things dat don't matter take overrrrr....arghhh....

Anyways...I'm in desparate need of new glasses....anyone got a hook up I will gladly accept them....

Ok I'm off for now...I'm sure I'm going to get shit for this...

Pz and lub

Xooxoxxox
-Monica

annoyed....

2008-08-03T04:55:00.001-07:00

i dont know why but something is really bothering me and i know it shouldnt but it does....

its not like it should be that way but still...i guess im overreacting....

i cant help that it bothers me though....=/ shit sucks

anyways im supposed to go to the beach 2day....we shall see what happens....

im annoyed, jealous, mad, and disappointed...but i knew this could happen sooner or later =/

randomness

2008-07-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

so here i am in my cold room....just thinking....
thinking about:
what im goin to do today
the argument i had with my dad last night
what im going to do this weekend
when im going to go back to school to register
why do i always torture myself......

lots of things on my mind dat i dont wanna say.....

i feel like my life is falling apart....

2008-06-25T20:43:00.001-07:00

i couldnt be happier with my son but everything else around me is falling apart....

i hate the way i been feeling lately....im miserable....im sad...im just not happy...xavier is the only thing that makes me forget how i feel....i just dont understand how it got to this point....

im constantly getting anxiety...im starting to feel depressed again....shit sucks....

the main cause of all of this is him! i am really starting to hate what he does to me....how he makes me mad...how he has no motivation to do anything....how he doesnt give a shit....how he always thinks by reversing the roles will make me feel bad....im starting not to care....im starting to h u....and i really never expected things to get to this but they have...it has surcome to this....whos fault is it....who knows....its mine and urs....but all i know is that u r not happy and neither am i....

u think imma bitch well i think ur an asshole...an immature one...a lazy fuck....a fat ass...a mooch....

i may later regret what i am writing now but all i know is what i feel in my heart right now....and i just dont wanna be here anymore.....
i really dont.....

goodnight everyone....

tomorrow is a minute away and it may be better....who knows....

Move ur big head!

2008-06-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

thats what jeremy just yelled to me....i kinda forgot i had this =/ so im sorry....its kinda cool that imma use this to vent and share pics of my loved ones....

my birthday is next month a few weeks....imma turn the big 25! a quarter of a century! big deal....my son turns 1 the week after me....and dats exciting too

i have so many things to plan for next month...im kinda stressed.....lots of things happening....lots of obstacles....lots of funny moments....lots of tears....lot of laughs....

pz and lub.....

-monies

9:20pm

2008-04-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

ok so i decided to do the blogging thing...since the time of xanga i guess this is newer version of it...

anyways as i started creating this i took some pics of my son....

im turnin 25 in 3 months and my son is turning 1 in july as well...hes the joy of my world...i know cheesy but he really fulfills my life...i dont remember my life before him

imma proud momma =]

anyways this is going to be the start of a wonderful computer relationship loll