im beamin....

well hello again....i know its been forever and im really trying to keep up but sometimes i just dont wanna express what im feeling....anyways today is perfect!!!

the day is dark and gray but im beamin....i love this weather...makes me want to change things in general....last night i had a moment while i was with my friend michelle and i had someone tell me "my future" a lot of it was somewhat true but the future stuff i do not know until it happens i guess...

but the guy in the gray sweater was interesting lol.....

anyways i am still working....im still a mom to a gorgeous boy who inspires me everyday....i am still being surrounded by amazing people who i am extremely grateful for....my home-life though sucks major ass...but we cant choose our families so im stuck....i am really trying to move out but things are just not aligning for that yet so maybe i should be patient until it happens....

j and i r civil and trying to see what happens but i think we both know that nothing will...there is too much animosity between us and i think there is also a hint of hate but who knows only time will tell....adorable and i r good friends....he really made me see the light i guess i hope hes happy and everything works out for him.....the gray sweater guy lol i know hes there somewhere....

anyways im having a lovely moment with thom (thom yorke) and hes really making my heart happy right now....his voice...the tone...the calmness...the words....the cries....i am loving it right now.....

so thats it for now...thanks again for "listening"


pz and luv
-m.

kick in the ass

i kno it has been a LONG time since i've last written and since then ive come to the conclusion that im still going through the same circle of mass confusion =X

since my last posting a lot has changed...my son is absolutely beautiful hes three years old and total perfection....my relationship with his father is completely over and after much trying we can not be together...as to why i am writing today because i guess everything was "finalized " today... i dont really know how i feel but i guess things happen for a reason....

this summer has been a big deal for me because it's been a summer where ive surrounded myself with great people....i guess u can say that after falling out of love with j...i fell in love with love again because of "adorable" i am extremely grateful for the moments i have had with him and in another life i guess we r soul mates but right now we cant be....

so today after the crying, the sadness, the joy, and the whole weight lifted off of my shoulders....i received a kick in the ass....this is to really live my life for my son and myself and for once i have to put myself first not all the time but sometimes and now that im single im not gonna focus on the constant haggling of my best friend to find someone imma focus on me and my baby <3

its nice to be back....

xoxox,
monica