love?

now when i started this i never wanted this to be about love or my relationship because people might not care...but for some reason this has been a constant inspiration for the things i do...my issues with him inspire my life...they make me wanna become a better person and they make me want to become the worse person i can be....

the constant arguing is driving me crazy....and its to the point that sometimes i feel like maybe were just not meant to be but the minute i feel like its over...i feel like my heart breaks into a million little pieces and i cant picture my life without him next to me....i have wondered what things would be like if he left me.....the lil things will eat me alive or they will become a breathe of fresh air.....for example, if he left me...id sleep alone....more space for me....no more snoring...but no more body warmth...no more affection...no more stinky morning breathe...and that kills me.....

i try to do things to make him happy and somehow he always makes me feel like i fuck up....i hate thinking about the beginning of us because that is lost....that will never be the same....that love that wonderful, exhilarating, and sincere love...o how i miss u so much....i loved the way u looked at me....the notes u wrote me....the flowers u bought me...the kisses....the hugs....they were soo passionate and good....i miss ur hugs....i miss a lot of things about u .....

i dunno if i make happy anymore....through all the bullshit we go through...i still wake up being in love with u...i still wanna be that girl that u fell in love with....were both scorned and bitter....people always say if u let the things u love go....they always come back....i dont wanna try this because i dont know what the outcome might be....

i dont know if u will read this....but if u do...i really really do love u....and u mean a lot to me....